- Director: Alright, we got the tenor sax, vocal group, piano, drums and guitar. We're all set to make a hit rock and roll record. Now let's hear it.
- Band: *plays music*
- Director: Hold it, hold it! Something's missing.
- Drummer: A teenage idol, man. You don't have a teenage idol.
- Director: Oh yeah, yeah. Wait here, I'll go get one. *walks out to the street* Hey kid!
- Teenager: Who, me?
- Director: Yeah, can you sing?
- Teenager: No.
- Director: Good, come with me. *he and the teen walk back into the studio* Hey, uh, where were you goin' just now?
- Teenager: I was on my way to high school.
- Director: Perfect. Now you stand up there in front of that microphone and say "high school" when I point at you. Kid, you're gonna be a big record star!
- Teenager: Ooh-ooh.
- Director: Hey, that's good too! Throw that in. Now here we go.
- Band: *begins to play*
- Teenager: ♪Hiiiigh schooool, ooooh-ooooh! Hiiiigh schooool, ooooh-o-o-oh! High school! High school! High schooool!♪
- Band: *stops*
- Teenager: ♪Ooh-ooh!♪
- Director: Hey wait a minute, what did you put that on the end for?
- Teenager: Well it was just a little, y'know, embellishment.
- Director: Oh yeah, well you keep that up and the first thing you know this record'll swing. Then where will we be?
- Teenager: Yeah, uh...
- Director: OK guys, that's the first side.
- Teenager: Isn't that kind of a short song?
- Director: Yeah, it gets more plays that way. Hey, by the way, what's your name?
- Teenager: Clyde Ankle.
- Director: Perfect.
- Teenager: But I can't sing!
- Director: Well what's that got to do with anything? You've got all the requirements, a pretty face and a pompadour.
- *LATER ON IN THE RECORD*
- Teenager: Hey, how can we be sure the girls are gonna scream at me?
- Director: Ah, don't worry will ya? Kid, I got a screaming machine right here.
- Teenager: Yeah?
- Director: It replaces a teenage audience. We put it in the back of the auditorium, push this little button, here, listen. *pushes a button and frantic yelling is heard, after a few seconds he stop it* Will you get outta that drummer's lap?
- Teenager: *walks away*
- Drummer: Ow, you bent my symbol, man.
- Director: Now here's some variations. *pushes the button again a few times, the first time we hear a larger crowd, the next time we hear girls swooning, the next time we hear more frantic yelling, and finally it ends with men chanting "Sieg heil!"* Whoops! Wrong crowd. Well let's do the other side of the record. I'll turn on the machine here and there.
- Teenager: Uh-huh.
- Director: Yeah, so you can get, you know, conditioned to it.
- Teenager: Yeah, ok. What am I gonna use for words on this side?
- Director: Who cares? Say the first thing that comes into your head.
- Teenager: Okay... what're you gonna do with that sharp stick?
- Director: Nevermind what I'm gonna do with it. Just sing will ya? Here we go!
- Band: *plays again*
- Teenager: ♪Well I was on my way to high school, when a GUY-Y-Y came through the door! Woo! And he said he's gonna make me a BI-I-IG record star!♪
- Screaming Machine: *frantic yelling*
- Teenager: ♪I said "I can't sing!" He said "It doesn't matter!" Woo! "You got a pretty face, and a PO-O-OMPADOUR!"
- Screaming Machine: *more yelling*
- Teenager: Whatcha doin' with that stick, man?
- Band: *sax solo*
- Teenager: ♪Iiii don't need anything, but a pretty face, mm, woo! And long black hair to toss! With the PO-O-OSSIBLE exception of Blue Cross! Woo!♪
- Screaming Machine: *more yelling*
- Director: Oh, perfect! Stick with me, kid. Clyde Ankle is gonna jump up the charts.
- Teenager: Yes, if you keep up with that stick, man...
- Director: Alright.
- Teenager: Well you really think you can get any disk jockeys to play my song?
- Director: It's getting tougher, but I'm on my way to see one now (on the other side of the record.)
- Teenager: Oh boy!
- Director: Right after I stop off at the bank.
- Teenager: Hah, the old Payola Roll Blues, eh?
- Director: What kind of crack is that? That's an insult to my integrity!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
