Director:Alright, we got the tenor sax, vocal group, piano, drums and guitar. We're all set to make a hit rock and roll record. Now let's hear it.
Band:*plays music*
Director:Hold it, hold it! Something's missing.
Drummer:A teenage idol, man. You don't have a teenage idol.
Director:Oh yeah, yeah. Wait here, I'll go get one. *walks out to the street* Hey kid!
Teenager:Who, me?
Director:Yeah, can you sing?
Teenager:No.
Director:Good, come with me. *he and the teen walk back into the studio* Hey, uh, where were you goin' just now?
Teenager:I was on my way to high school.
Director:Perfect. Now you stand up there in front of that microphone and say "high school" when I point at you. Kid, you're gonna be a big record star!
Teenager:Ooh-ooh.
Director:Hey, that's good too! Throw that in. Now here we go.
Band:*begins to play*
Teenager:♪Hiiiigh schooool, ooooh-ooooh! Hiiiigh schooool, ooooh-o-o-oh! High school! High school! High schooool!♪
Band:*stops*
Teenager:♪Ooh-ooh!♪
Director:Hey wait a minute, what did you put that on the end for?
Teenager:Well it was just a little, y'know, embellishment.
Director:Oh yeah, well you keep that up and the first thing you know this record'll swing. Then where will we be?
Teenager:Yeah, uh...
Director:OK guys, that's the first side.
Teenager:Isn't that kind of a short song?
Director:Yeah, it gets more plays that way. Hey, by the way, what's your name?
Teenager:Clyde Ankle.
Director:Perfect.
Teenager:But I can't sing!
Director:Well what's that got to do with anything? You've got all the requirements, a pretty face and a pompadour.
*LATER ON IN THE RECORD*
Teenager:Hey, how can we be sure the girls are gonna scream at me?
Director:Ah, don't worry will ya? Kid, I got a screaming machine right here.
Teenager:Yeah?
Director:It replaces a teenage audience. We put it in the back of the auditorium, push this little button, here, listen. *pushes a button and frantic yelling is heard, after a few seconds he stop it* Will you get outta that drummer's lap?
Teenager:*walks away*
Drummer:Ow, you bent my symbol, man.
Director:Now here's some variations. *pushes the button again a few times, the first time we hear a larger crowd, the next time we hear girls swooning, the next time we hear more frantic yelling, and finally it ends with men chanting "Sieg heil!"* Whoops! Wrong crowd. Well let's do the other side of the record. I'll turn on the machine here and there.
Teenager:Uh-huh.
Director:Yeah, so you can get, you know, conditioned to it.
Teenager:Yeah, ok. What am I gonna use for words on this side?
Director:Who cares? Say the first thing that comes into your head.
Teenager:Okay... what're you gonna do with that sharp stick?
Director:Nevermind what I'm gonna do with it. Just sing will ya? Here we go!
Band:*plays again*
Teenager:♪Well I was on my way to high school, when a GUY-Y-Y came through the door! Woo! And he said he's gonna make me a BI-I-IG record star!♪
Screaming Machine:*frantic yelling*
Teenager:♪I said "I can't sing!" He said "It doesn't matter!" Woo! "You got a pretty face, and a PO-O-OMPADOUR!"
Screaming Machine:*more yelling*
Teenager:Whatcha doin' with that stick, man?
Band:*sax solo*
Teenager:♪Iiii don't need anything, but a pretty face, mm, woo! And long black hair to toss! With the PO-O-OSSIBLE exception of Blue Cross! Woo!♪
Screaming Machine:*more yelling*
Director:Oh, perfect! Stick with me, kid. Clyde Ankle is gonna jump up the charts.
Teenager:Yes, if you keep up with that stick, man...
Director:Alright.
Teenager:Well you really think you can get any disk jockeys to play my song?
Director:It's getting tougher, but I'm on my way to see one now (on the other side of the record.)
Teenager:Oh boy!
Director:Right after I stop off at the bank.
Teenager:Hah, the old Payola Roll Blues, eh?
Director:What kind of crack is that? That's an insult to my integrity!
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